<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Take me beyond what I can see by Loulouche, TiamatZX</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29031957">Take me beyond what I can see</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loulouche/pseuds/Loulouche'>Loulouche</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiamatZX/pseuds/TiamatZX'>TiamatZX</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous/Open Ending, Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Mind Control, Only mentioned though, Panic Attacks, Spoilers for C2E122, Telepathic Bond, Warning: Obann (Critical Role), or at least a first hug?, please the beauyasha fans are starving!, post-episode, what if all of this led to a first kiss?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:20:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,531</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29031957</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loulouche/pseuds/Loulouche, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiamatZX/pseuds/TiamatZX</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Beau had noticed her left hand felt warm now that the eye was here, but now, it feels warmer. She looks down at it and… she might be imagining it, but the eye seems to shine a little brighter. Was she merely hearing things? Were the Somnovum fucking with her? Was she really hearing Yasha’s thoughts just--</p><p>-----</p><p>Beau discovers something about her unwilling “gift” that forces her and Yasha to accept the here and now. Takes place immediately after C2E122.</p><p>Title from "All I Need to Be", by Fireflight</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Beauregard Lionett/Yasha Nydoorin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Take me beyond what I can see</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>LUCE</p><p>So. Obviously Adam and I were (and probably still are) super stressed after last week’s episode (aren’t we all?), and after discussing the events that had occured and theorizing, we needed to blow off some steam. Adam came up with an idea on how Beau could use this brand-new eye of hers, and it led to this fic.</p><p>So yes, we’re still very much stressed, but at least we made something of this energy and hopefully you will like it. As for what is awaiting us tomorrow, we can only wait and hope for the best. The Empire Kids and the Mighty Nein are resourceful, they’ve proved it before! We must have faith in them.</p><p>ADAM</p><p>Lots of folks have already submitted better, more emotional fics about the eyes, but… we figured we’d try our hand at it.</p><p>So yeah, we were theorizing about what those godsdamned eyes could be all about. And when we thought about how Lucien was able to use the Tombtakers (who lack the eyes AFAWK) as a “hive mind” mouthpiece of sorts. So… what if Beau realized she could form a connection? And of all people, it’s the one person who would be her port in the storm, so to speak.</p><p>This is totally just something to get off our chests, just before tomorrow’s episode.</p><p>Are we scared? Fuck yes, we are. But we’re also not as worried for the Empire Kids. And also… what if what happened is what finally pushes Beau and Yasha’s fledgling new relationship over the edge?</p><p>We can only hope.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“S-Stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau stops writing when she hears the command from Caleb. She looks up from her journal. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He approaches and with this very Caleb-like delicacy, he gently takes the journal from her, puts it down on the bed, grabs her left hand and flips it so that the back is facing up. Beau immediately feels a lump form in her throat and her heart drops in her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right there, on the skin of her hand, one single red eye. Identical to those on Molly’s body. No. Lucien’s body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looks up and sees no eye on Caleb’s hands. He gives her a small hand motion. “Come here, come here, come here.” She obeys and gets up from the bed. “Turn around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She does as told and she realizes he’s looking at her tattoo. After a few seconds, he doesn’t say anything, and so Beau faces him and checks his neck in turn. There is nothing here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tries to not freak out and looks at Caleb. “Your arms. He had one on his arms?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb starts frenziedly searching his body. He checks his forearms, but there are only the scars left by the mistreatments he endured. He then hastily unbuttons his shirt and inspects his chest. He turns around for his two friends to look at the places he can’t check himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The whole time, Fjord is watching, completely and utterly speechless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau’s mind catches a frivolous stray thought and holds on to it to try and cope with what she just discovered on her own body.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I hope he won’t have to take off his pants, it would be really awkward. Wait. I’ve already seen him naked before, haven’t I?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s all Beau can think about. The idea soon forms a loop, a spiral in which she is free falling. It stops only when Caleb completely takes off his shirt, revealing his shoulders, and on the right one, a red eye looks right at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lets out a deep sigh and Beau closes her eyes and clenches her fists. She hears Caleb force a fake laughter. After a moment, she opens her eyes and the Empire Kids look at each other. They blink a few times, trying to make sense of this madness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this point, their agitation and Fjord’s loud gasp wakes up the rest of the Mighty Nein. One by one, they emerge from their sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb squeezes his shoulder like he’s trying to assess what this thing is. Like he didn’t know already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau’s mind catches another not-so-futile stray thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yasha.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She turns to Yasha and finds her staring at the eye on her hand, with her mouth ajar. She must feel Beau's gaze on her, because she eventually looks up. Beau opens her mouth to say something, but Caleb speaks before she gets the chance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What is the meaning of this?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau looks at him. "I took notes, maybe there will be someth-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They turn their heads in search of the journal. They both freeze as their eyes fall on the notebook laying on the bed, still open on the page where Beau was writing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Beau sees what is scribbled, panic instantly fills her chest. It pushes against her ribcage mercilessly and she feels like it might very well rip her open and take her apart right away. "No."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes and Caleb's don't leave the journal as Veth looks at the two of them back and forth and asks, "What?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The halfling notices everybody else throwing strange looks at the journal and she follows their gazes. She is a bit puzzled when she sees what Beau did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are no words, only lines going wide, shapes, patterns, designs that make no sense. The double page is covered in them. It doesn't resemble anything. The longer the Mighty Nein looks at it, the stranger it seems. A very vivid feeling of discomfort takes root into each one of them as they stare at the sketches. The same feeling that they experienced when they had a vision of the flying city after defeating Vokodo. Jester is by far the most unsettled of them all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No," Beau repeats with a trembling voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She takes her journal in her hands and frantically turns the pages backwards, "No, no, no." All she finds are similar insane drawings, until she reaches the notes she took before sleeping. "Fuck!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With no warning, she sends her journal flying across the room, startling everybody except Caleb. It hits a wall and then crashes on the ground as Beau grabs her head with both of her hands and closes her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The silence that follows is unreal. It lasts for a moment that feels like eternity, until Veth dares ask, "What is it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau's eyes are still tightly shut, with the heels of her hands pressing on them and her fingers buried in her hair. "I thought I had taken notes. Written words."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't understand."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb clears his throat. "These are the exact sketches we saw in Lucien's book. But…" He stops, but he doesn't seem hesitant, quite the opposite. He looks scared by his own words when he speaks again, "Beauregard doesn't have a photographic memory like I do."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau remains mainly still, but her whole body tenses when he says those words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha's mouth is still slightly ajar in shock. She closes it and tries to compose herself. "You- You didn't realize what you were drawing?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau stays in the same position and slowly shakes her head. She is shivering, Yasha can see it now that she has pulled herself out of her initial stupor. The aasimar stands up from the chair she’s been sleeping on and she is about to reach out to Beau, but she stops when Fjord speaks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened? You two woke up exactly at the same time. That was… weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau doesn’t say anything, and so Caleb answers. “I had a dream. And I think Beauregard had the same dream, </span>
  <em>
    <span>ja</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still remaining in the same position, Beau nods. An awkward silence falls around and all eyes fall on, well, the red eyes in the room. Beau lets her mind drift for just a moment and she can hear it again, as if she were still dreaming</span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Welcome.</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Her shivering gets worse, but she ignores it. She moves her hands a bit, joining them in front of her face in what resembles a prayer. Her eyes are still closed and her fingers are intertwined, except for her index fingers that are extended and pressing against her forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She goes over everything that happened in the few days they’ve spent with Lucien and the Tombtakers. She tries to grab on loose threads or dots that she hadn’t connected before and that could make sense now. She reviews everything to try to pinpoint exactly where she missed something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fucking useless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words leave her mouth under her breath and she doesn’t fully realize she’s saying this and not simply thinking it. She hears movement near her, but she keeps her eyes closed. She gets startled as she wasn’t expecting the voice to be so close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beau?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes fling open and she turns her head. Yasha is looking at her with a very concerned look on her face. Beau looks at the rest of the Nein. Some are staring at her, others at Caleb. Her wizard friend is awfully quiet, but she can see on his face that his mind is processing and just like her, he’s trying to make sense of it all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve been so fucking stupid,” she says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe not,” Caleb replies very calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We thought we were going to get one step ahead of him, and instead we fell right into his trap. What do you call that, if not stupid?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe he didn’t know what would happen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau stops and thinks for a moment. She swallows hard and looks right into Caleb’s eyes. “Yeah. Maybe. But it doesn’t matter. Now we have those fucking eyes on us!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep your voice down, Beauregard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? The walls are supposed to be soundproof and even with that, he can probably hear us at any time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turns to Fjord angrily. “I guess you can’t check before you’ve slept?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The half-orc shakes his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great. Amazing.” She sighs and rubs her forehead. “I was so stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t blame it on yourself, Beau,” Fjord says with a kind tone. “None of us stopped you. We should have known better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. We should have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all turn to Yasha. Beau looks at her and she looks back. There’s something in her eyes. Something Beau hadn’t seen in quite some time. A dull pain? Some sort of sorrow? Or guilt maybe? No.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regret.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But regret for what? She doesn’t know. It’s not like she can read Yasha’s mind and--</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I failed you. Just like I failed Zuala.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau’s lungs suddenly stop, her entire body is still. Yasha must notice her reaction, because she suddenly looks worried. “Beau? Are-Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-I don’t know. Just… thinking…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau had noticed her left hand felt warm now that the eye was here, but now, it feels warmer. She looks down at it and… she might be imagining it, but the eye seems to shine a little brighter. Was she merely hearing things? Were the Somnovum fucking with her? Was she really hearing Yasha’s thoughts just--</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if others appear? What if you can’t resist it or you succumb? No. You wouldn’t give up, you wouldn’t sacrifice your free will, no matter what you have to gain.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau reflexively takes a step back, so briskly that she bumps into Caleb who, she hadn’t realized, was right behind her. She swiftly turns around and stares right at him. “Can you hear it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hear what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau briefly looks at Yasha, then back at Caleb. Her fear and worry must be showing, but for once, that’s the least of her problems. “The thoughts, the- I don’t know. I don’t know what it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looks at Yasha again, and the aasimar’s concern seems to be growing with each passing second. “Beau, what’s going on? What are you hearing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t say Lucien, please, don’t say Lucien.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a brief pause and Beau thinks it’s over, but then she hears it again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Molly.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not Molly. I-I don’t know what I’m… Wait, why did I even say that? No, I’m just rambling. I’m… I’m… I don’t know anymore.” She looks at the eye on her hand and she gets the horrible sensation that it’s squinting at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t you fucking look at me!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau scrambles to her feet in a hurry but is unable to stay balanced. Her entire body feels like a wound-up spring, pulled way too taut and ready to snap at any second. The moment she tries to move she ends up bumping harshly into one of the bedposts and just as quickly falls to the floor with a painful thud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beau!” Jester is already jumping off the bed to check in on her friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Out. I need to get out. I… I...” She manages to wheeze out, feeling like she’s about to faint.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Black spots explode before her eyes and the sensation that the panic will rip her apart is back. She tries to get up, but she can’t see and as soon as she moves, her head spins. She recognizes Jester’s voice calling her name again. She doesn’t know if she would be able to answer, doesn’t try to. She hears shifting around her, but she can’t make out what’s going on as her vision is still filled with black patches.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She is pretty sure she is passing out, when suddenly, something manages to cut through the panic. She feels two strong hands grab both of her arms. She doesn’t know who this is, but the person pulls her to her feet with one single motion. It could be Jester, she would be strong enough to do that. But the hands seem too large to be hers, and then she hears a voice, and it’s not Jester’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beau? Are you still with us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her legs are trembling. She knows the only reason why she is standing is because Yasha is holding on to her, otherwise she would fall back to the ground, wouldn’t have been able to stand up in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Say something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha’s voice sounds like a plea now.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please, Beau. Talk to me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She tries to open her mouth but nothing comes out. It’s as if the shock of the situation she’s found herself in has rendered her temporarily mute. The black patches slowly fade from her vision, which helps a bit with her balance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you need to get out of the tower?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fresh air might help,” Beau hears Caduceus say as her vision slowly goes back to normal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tries to speak a few times before her cotton mouth allows her to mumble a few words. “Out of the room. It’ll be enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Come on,” Yasha says with a soft voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau’s vision is not quite back to normal yet, and as soon as Yasha tries to make her walk, her legs give away. She braces herself for the impact, but Yasha swiftly catches her and easily takes her into her arms. Beau reflexively wraps her arms around her neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone must offer help, because Beau hears a soft “I’ve got this” from Yasha. Feeling her arms around her as she is carrying her helps a little. It’s grounding and Beau doesn’t have to worry about staying up now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whether Yasha opens the door herself or someone helps her, Beau can’t tell, but a few seconds later, they’re in the central chamber of the fifth floor. Beau blinks. The black spots are completely gone now and her focus is slowly getting back to normal. She begins to see forms around her. Doors. Walls. The irises on the floor and ceiling. The multitude of fey cats crawling through the aqueducts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, her eyes fall onto Yasha. Her features are stiff and her expression serious. She almost looks like when she is in the middle of battle, when all her attention is focused on the enemy. But she notices Beau looking at her and as soon as she looks back, her expression softens. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau doesn’t answer. She stares at Yasha a little longer and then, hesitantly, she rests her head on her shoulder. She feels Yasha tense a little, but the aasimar doesn’t say anything. Beau can blame it on her almost faintness if Yasha questions this unusual gesture later.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Talk to me, Beau. You’re scaring me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Panic crawls back into her throat, but this time, she manages to control it. She swallows and tries to stop her voice from trembling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not here. Top floor. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha nods and takes them both first to the seventh floor and as they approach the iris leading to the eighth, she turns to Beau as if expecting her to say the password. Beau briefly closes her eyes and her face twists a bit as she tries to remember the words. This panic attack, or whatever it was, really messed with her head. She opens her eyes again, clears her throat best she can and says the Zemnian phrase, albeit with her usual voice and lack of matching accent.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Fort, doch nicht vergessen.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>As the iris opens, Beau looks at Yasha who definitely has a question she means to say. When she doesn’t, Beau gently asks, “What is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That phrase...” Yasha muses to herself. “What does it mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gone, but not forgotten. I don’t speak Zemnian but… I caught the meaning of it as he spoke. And, well...” Beau gestures with her head at the open floors. “Make sense in context.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha remains silent, but she nods, although more to herself than to Beau it seems. With the iris now open, she levitates them both up. Just as her feet leave the ground, Beau can see her lips are not moving, and yet, she hears the ‘up’ command. Or maybe feels it? The sensation is strange, indescribable. She briefly closes her eyes and tries to shake it off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they arrive on the top floor surrounded by stars and imagery of the two of them, glimpsing into echoes of who they are and were and could be, Yasha gently lands as she looks at Beau. “Do you think you can stand?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha puts her down, but Beau doesn’t let go completely and keeps one hand on her shoulder. She is taken by surprise when Yasha keeps one arm around her waist. She glances at her and the aasimar looks back. “Is it okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah.” She clears her throat awkwardly and adds, “I think I can stand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha lessens her grip on her waist. “Should I--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Beau blurts out. “I don’t mind. It feels…” she pauses, “good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There is an awkward silence, and then Beau breathes in. She opens her mouth, tries to speak, but fails to find the right words. She clenches her jaw as she keeps looking right into Yasha’s mismatched eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s back on her face, she can see it, right there. Regret.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha opens her mouth, but she seems to struggle to speak. “I’m sorry, Beau.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For what? I’m the one who read that book with Caleb.” Beau retorts, with an air of resignation in her voice. “If anything, it’s my fault and, well… I suppose it’s better than either of us reading it alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe. I don’t know.” She looks down. “I thought if I stopped running away, this time I would be able to protect the ones I--” She stops and seems hesitant as to what words she should pick. “The ones I care about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None of us saw that coming. You couldn’t have done anything, Yash.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The aasimar closes her eyes and swallows. Beau feels her heart break. She doesn’t want Yasha to bear the responsibility of what happened. She doesn’t want to see again in her eyes the guilt that took so long to start fading away.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why does this keep happening? I… I haven’t even told you how much I love you. Not even a letter can do it justice. But now I’m terrified that I’m still going to lose you, no matter what.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau was about to speak, but she freezes. Her heart suddenly races up. She barely manages to stutter a few words. “Maybe… Maybe this is not all bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha opens her eyes and looks at her. Beau can </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> her sadness as much as she can see it on her face. This is a strange feeling, but it’s also… comforting. It’s like sharing Yasha’s pain and for a wild second, she thinks that maybe, if thoughts are not the only things that can be shared, it could help the aasimar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yash, um… I know this doesn’t look like a good time, but I think I have another crazy idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha chuckles, and even through the sadness and angst, Beau thinks she can hear something resembling amusement. “Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um… what am I thinking right now? Please. Humor me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If anything… I want this. Just you being able to hear me like this.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha freezes and Beau feels her grip tighten around her waist. “Did I just…” The aasimar leaves her question hanging in the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just… what?” Beau asks Yasha, daring to feel a little hopeful in her hopelessness.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m terrified and I hate what’s happening, but there could be good in all this mess. And I know people talking in your head is not exactly comforting to you. But… please… by gods, I need this. I need</span>
  </em>
  <span> you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stormlord…” Yasha is looking right at Beau with her eyes wide open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… wasn’t thinking about the Stormlord, Yasha. Although… I guess that--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no. I-I mean, no, I just…” Yasha pauses and tries to compose herself. “How is that possible?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau feels tingling in her left hand and clenches her fist. “You know how the Tombtakers seem to be connected to Lucien, or something? I think… I think I can do this too now. And I think I did by accident. But I kind of freaked out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it… Is that what was happening?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As soon as I saw the eye, I couldn’t help thinking about what you had said. That it feels like you’re never alone, but not in a good way, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Yasha’s expression tells all about how painful it is for her to think about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I-I’m just terrified that it will be the same for me now. So when I heard… you, I guess, your thoughts, I panicked. I didn’t know where it was coming from, and when I realized it was probably you, I panicked even more. It just- It was freaky, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha remains silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Beau says. “I didn’t mean to do it, it was an accident. I’m sorry for getting in your head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s okay. You didn’t mean to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But… You just said- Well, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>thought </span>
  </em>
  <span>that you wanted this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do. But I won’t do it if you’re not okay with it. I mean, I’ll </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span> not to do it. I don’t know how hard it will be, but I’ll try if you don’t want to--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sensation stops Beau’s words in their tracks the instant her left hand goes over her face in frustration. The very same hand with the red eye. At first it is a very… unusual sensation. But one she knows all too well. A sensation of a storm brewing. Of the air charged with incoming lightning. But amidst this sensation is one of tenderness, of kindness. A sensation that quells her frustration and fills her with something… more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sensation of what she can only assume to be love. And it’s coming from Yasha’s own thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha releases Beau’s waist and stands in front of her. She gently takes her two hands in hers and looks into her eyes. “I think if it’s you, and if you warn me before doing it… I think I would be okay with it. If it’s…” there’s a pause, and Yasha speaks the last word with such reverence that Beau feels like her heart just stopped, “</span>
  <b>you</b>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau has absolutely no idea how this works but somehow, it seems that she’s been able to do it unintentionally, so she probably just needs to keep doing… whatever she was doing. Her first instinct is to resort to rational thinking. Building a link with someone is about sharing. Sharing is about being open. So she just needs to--</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Your eyes are so blue. Like, so blue. I could get lost into them forever.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau raises her eyebrows. “Is this really what you think when you look at me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha seems slightly taken aback. “Oh, um… Yes. Your eyes are--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Blue indeed,” Beau says with a chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I was about to say beautiful.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau briefly hesitates and then grins.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I mean… You are too.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha smiles and a lovely pink slightly colors her cheeks. “Speaking of… I finally just realized something. Did the fish market… Was that technically our first date already?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau chuckles. “Did you want it to be our first date?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean… it would make up for us not having one now… I guess...” Yasha is left stammering. And the levity does bring a semblance of ease to Beau’s otherwise manic emotional state.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then yes. It was our first date. And Fjord got the privilege to witness it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I almost felt sorry for him feeling so awkward.” Yasha pauses for a bit. “Well… almost.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s only a payback for all the times we had to watch him and Jester make heart eyes at each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha lets out one of these small laughs that seem to surprise her even, and Beau joins in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a moment, the monk gets more serious. “Hey. Are you really okay with this though? I don’t want you to force yourself just to make me feel better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s totally okay, Beau.” Yasha thinks for a moment. “I trust you enough for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a brief pause and although Yasha doesn’t speak, her next words get to Beau.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You make me feel safe. And I want to make you feel safe. What’s happening to you now is horrible, but I’m not leaving your side.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau is left speechless, both verbally and telepathically. She can only smile, and Yasha smiles back at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I wish I hadn’t waited so long,” Yasha starts. “I told myself I should just go for it, because we never know what could happen. But then I paused again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yash? Is everything okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate saying this, but now more than ever… We don’t know what could happen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Beau says with a gloomy look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if you can feel it right now, but I’m terrified. I’m scared of what could happen to you. But I’m-”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I feel it. Do you feel it from me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha blinks and takes a shaky breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes. But I’m…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She takes another breath, this one even shakier than the other.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Even more scared of waiting until it’s too late?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Even in her mind, Beau’s voice is quaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha doesn’t answer, simply nods. She briefly looks down, then back at Beau. “I don’t know if the fish market can be considered our first date or not.” She’s whispering now. “But… do you think we need an actual first date before--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In place of an answer, Beau just runs forward and embraces Yasha. The aasimar is taken off guard. She stays still for a short moment before she wraps her arms around Beau and hugs her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau holds her tight and buries her face in her chest as she whispers. “You make me feel safe too, Yasha.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grips Yasha’s back and projects her thoughts. Thinking it is easier than saying it out loud. Less scary, somehow, probably because it makes her feel like it’s not as real.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>With you by my side, I don’t feel as scared. But… I’m still terrified. I don’t want to become like Lucien. I don’t want to become the puppet of some long-dead stuffy wizards.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha backs off a little to be able to look Beau in the eye, but she keeps her hands on her waist. “I won’t let that happen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if we can’t stop it? What if once it’s begun, there’s no way to reverse it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We will figure it out. We’re not losing Caleb or you to this Somnovum thing, whatever it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau swallows hard. “Do you think Lucien did it on purpose?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you seen how scornful he is every time he talks about Vess DeRogna? No, I think the last thing he wants is competition.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau looks away. She has this look on her face, like when she is deep in thoughts. “It’s true. He seems to think he’s special. He might even think there can’t be others like him. Maybe we can--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beau?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The monk turns and looks at Yasha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get me wrong, I prefer when you’re making plans and theories rather than anguishing over what could happen, but it’s late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And? We don’t have the luxury to wait, we have to find a way to--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to sleep. Veth and Caleb will have a boost thanks to Veth’s tea tomorrow, but the rest of us don’t have the luxury to skip a night of rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau doesn’t retort this time. But rather than upset or annoyed, she looks preoccupied. She purses her lips and looks down, but then her eyes fall onto her left hand and she immediately looks back up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beau, what is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The monk remains silent. Even though she’s not looking down, her eyes are not meeting Yasha’s either.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Beau, please.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She keeps her gaze averted and grits her teeth. She hates this so much. The fear. The vulnerability. She doesn’t want to show them. She doesn’t want to show how weak and helpless she feels right now, but she can’t hide it. Not with Yasha. Not now that they share a psychic bond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What…” She had managed to compose herself earlier, but her voice is trembling again now. “What if it gets worse if I go to sleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha takes a deep breath. “That’s a possibility, and I’m scared too that this might happen. But what do you suggest? You can’t deprive yourself of sleep, you’ll die from exhaustion.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I can’t...” Beau turns and looks right into Yasha’s eyes. “But if I can figure out how to stop this before I reach my limits--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beau, this is ridiculous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t go back to sleep!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha immediately lets go of Beau at the shout. The monk briefly closes her eyes and huffs in frustration. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rubs her forehead with her right hand and tries her best to calm down, but she feels her hands shiver. “What if I fall asleep… and they brand me yet again? What if that makes me too far gone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She is still not looking at Yasha when the aasimar speaks. “Beau, look at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lets her right arm fall to her side, but she stubbornly keeps her gaze averted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tone is firm, but not commanding. Beau grits her teeth. She struggles with herself for a moment, but she eventually looks up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha stares at her with an intensity she’s rarely seen on her face. “You’re strong. Even if those eyes keep appearing on you, you won’t give in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you be so sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve seen you, Beau.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not all the time.” She wants to look away, but she doesn’t have the will to do so. “You weren’t there, Yasha… when I kept waiting for lightning, when I weeped for Molly… and most definitely not when I just had my body and mind and soul </span>
  <em>
    <span>violated</span>
  </em>
  <span> by these fucking Eyes of Nine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s true. I wasn’t there. But now I am. And… I know what it feels like. I know it all too well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau sighs. “I didn’t want this. I didn’t want any of this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Beau. We will figure it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau closes her eyes as a shiver so violent that it’s visible goes through her whole body. She feels hesitation from Yasha, and when she senses what it’s coming from, she opens her eyes and looks at her. “Can you…” She’s hesitant too. “Can you hold me? Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without a second thought, Yasha closes the distance she had put between them when Beau raised her voice. She wraps her arms around her and she squeezes her small frame even more tightly than before. Beau puts her hands on her torso and grabs the leather of her clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha’s heart breaks when she hears sobs from a voice even smaller than the wiry frame she’s holding. It is just as painful as what she had felt when she lost Zuala, when she lost Mollymauk, and most definitely during all of her time with Obann.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No. It’s not “just as painful”. It’s worse. Because even though Beau feels safe and secure in her arms, she knows that it couldn’t be further from the truth. Even in her dreams, she’s not safe. No one is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I wanted… wasn’t this. And not like </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Yasha can’t help but ask what Beau is referring to. But she could at least guess. “Do you mean… us? Right here? Right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau lets out a dry scoff. “You can look inside me now, so you know what I mean. But yes.“ She pauses briefly. “Us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha chuckles sadly. “When has anything been simple between us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I hate how true that is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence falls around and Yasha keeps holding Beau. She doesn’t know if the monk is weeping tears or only sobbing, but she hears her sniffs. She gently rubs her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beau. I-I don’t want to wait any longer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me neither. But… I don’t… I’ve never really...”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve never truly been loved before. And I don’t mean just familial love.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s okay if you don’t feel ready. I can wait. You’re worth it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau’s grip tightens a bit as she bites her bottom lip. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m out of time, Yasha. I </span>
  </em>
  <span>can’t</span>
  <em>
    <span> make you wait anymore. Waiting… is what brought us here.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Then say it. I want you to say it. Don’t… Don’t be afraid.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha looks down and when Beau feels her move, she looks up. Beau’s breath gets caught in her throat when she meets Yasha’s eyes. And almost as if in unison, a single thought connects them both, finding each others’ at the exact same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau’s voice is just a whisper and Yasha’s is just as soft when she answers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really wanna kiss you right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A thin, unbelieving smile forms on Yasha’s face, as if she didn’t know already that this was what Beau wanted. “I really want to kiss you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She slowly bends down, like Beau was a wild animal that could get frightened at any brisk move. Beau doesn’t close the distance. She lets Yasha come to her and right before their lips meet, she feels her chin quiver a bit. But then, Yasha kisses her and the tension in her body melts away and she immediately responds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Beau feels almost as weak as she had been back in Yasha’s bedroom. But it’s a good kind of “weak”. Her legs are feeble, and Yasha must feel it, because she holds her closer as she keeps kissing her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had both imagined this moment hundreds of times. None of the scenarios they had made up in their heads looked like this. But there is something reassuring in this moment. It’s not planned. It’s spontaneous and natural, like the universe has had this planned from the beginning. Even in the midst of this awful, horrible experience in the here and now, it still feels… right.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau is taken off guard. She’s not scared, but blown away by these words, or rather this feeling Yasha is willingly sharing with her. Somehow, it feels more intimate </span>
  <em>
    <span>because</span>
  </em>
  <span> she is directly communicating this instead of saying it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She needs a moment to gather her thoughts. Her hands go from Yasha’s chest to her arms and slide down until they reach her hands and grab them. She squeezes them and finally allows herself to be completely open, for what might be the first time in her entire life. There’s no going back now, not when they’re already sharing their thoughts, feelings and emotions.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you too.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha is just as shocked as Beau, so much that she pulls back to take some air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau has her eyes closed, but she immediately opens them. “Yasha? Did I do something wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, no, no, no.” Yasha speaks so fast that it sounds like one single word. Beau can’t help but grin at the memory of that night when she stumbled on her. “It’s just-just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Overwhelming.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau chuckles. “Now you know how I felt when I read your letter. But I really mean it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha smiles and then puts a hand at the back of Beau’s head to bring her closer and kiss her forehead. She keeps her lips here for a moment and then speaks in a soft voice. “Maybe I will sound crazy, but it’s liberating to finally be able to say it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha puts her head on top of Beau’s and chuckles. “Yeah, you really do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau chuckles in response and rests her head against Yasha’s chest. They stay in this position for a moment, enjoying the presence of each other and letting their eyes wander in the room. All these reflections of themselves are hypnotic. It would be easy to get lost into them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I convince you to go to bed if I kiss you again?” Yasha asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay to go to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I convince you to </span>
  <em>
    <span>sleep </span>
  </em>
  <span>if I kiss you again?” the aasimar insists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yasha…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beau.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau pauses for a bit. “Can we… go downstairs first, at least?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha puts a gentle kiss on top of Beau’s head, but as she is about to let go, Beau pulls her closer and whispers. “I want another kiss now. Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha smiles and cups Beau’s face with one hand as she rests the other on her hip. She leans closer and kisses Beau. It doesn’t last as long as the first one, but when they part, the monk has a blissful smile on her face. She still looks unusually tense and preoccupied, but Yasha sees she is a little calmer than she was when they arrived, even if slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau looks down briefly, and then back at Yasha. “I’ll do as I said and I won’t use this link before checking in with you. But I’ll make sure to keep it open on my end. If you feel anything out of the ordinary, something that doesn’t… feel like me, the tiniest change… You tell the others and you do what needs to be done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what I mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We won’t get to this point.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope we won’t, but if we do, you--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We won’t,” Yasha says with a definitive tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And to make sure Beau doesn’t try to retort again, she bends down and kisses her. It’s more passionate this time. There were times when she kissed Zuala where she wished she could communicate to her everything she was feeling. Now, she knows she can. So she opens her heart and lets the flow of her emotions go to Beau freely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she pulls back, she feels a bit dizzy, and she can tell by the look in Beau’s eyes that she does too. Her lips gently brush against Beau’s. “I won’t lose you. I refuse to lose you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yasha. I wasn’t finished speaking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau swallows and closes her eyes as she puts her forehead against Yasha’s. “If we get to that point… just do all you can to keep all of us safe. From myself if need be. I won’t ask you to hurt me, just… keep us safe any way you can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha closes her eyes and clenches her jaw. She inhales and exhales slowly, and strokes Beau’s cheek with her thumb. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s all I needed to hear. We better get back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha nods and when she opens her eyes, she meets the blue ones of Beau. They float their way back down the tower, back to Yasha’s room. They have no idea what tomorrow will bring, or how bad their dreams will become.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Just do all you can to keep all of us safe.</b>
</p><p>
  <span>She would never wish to lay a hand on Beau ever again. Keeping her safe was easier said than done. Just doing what she can, though, even if ultimately she fails… it’s still something she can attempt. It’s the least she can do.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hoping with each new day/I'm moving forward, I push the fear away<br/>And I let go/'Cause I'm so through with barely hanging on<br/>Leaving what's in the past behind/I come closer to crossing over the line<br/>And I won't stop/Until I get what I've been fighting for<br/>You've said it all before<br/>Tell me again that I am strong/Tell me again that I won't fall<br/>I need You here to fix me where I'm wrong/Take me beyond what I can see<br/>Break me, make me believe/You have made me all I need to be<br/>Knowing all that I can do is be open when You start to move/In my heart<br/>And now my God, I finally hear Your voice/You've said it all before<br/>Who I am is all I've got/And I can't be who I am not anymore</p><p>You have made me all I need to be/(I am strong, make me believe, make me believe)</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>